An Open Letter to all Fathers (and Mothers reading along who wish to share this with their children’s dads):
Your daughters are tomorrow’s women and your sons are tomorrow’s men. This is a fact, not speculation, nor is it conjecture of any form. Your daughters will grow up to be tomorrow’s women—sisters, aunts, wives, mothers, and grandmothers—and your sons will grow up to be tomorrow’s men—brothers, uncles, husbands, fathers, and grandfathers.
We don’t like to think about that, or at least, I don’t like to think about it much. See, I have two daughters: one is 16 and the other is only 9 (and a half). I also have two sons: one is 18 and about to enter Navy life, while the other is about to turn six. When my first son was born, I was only 19. When my first daughter was born, I was only 21. Read this as me being young and dumb. I knew absolutely NOTHING about raising children, and so I fell back on all that I knew from what society had taught me, in addition to what my parents had shown me.
That was one of the several mistakes I made as a young and clueless parent, which would later spawn the inspiration for much of my research. I mindlessly tried to “train” my oldest daughter to be one of the many among society, rather than one of the few unique ones who would make a difference. I unconsciously pushed princess culture on her, I pushed Barbies, and I pushed all that was bathed in a wash of pink hue, unwittingly thinking that was what she would have wanted. I pushed my son to “be a man,” regardless of the consequences, and I mindlessly followed in lock-step with what was expected of me as a dad.
Little did I know, I was oh-so-wrong…
With my second daughter and son, I paid closer attention, partly because I was older and partly because they were born after I started pursuing my education. With my first children, I was the typically absent-minded father, always preoccupied with computer games, extracurricular activities, and many, many other distractions, but with my second pair of children (and the benefit of age and experience), I began putting those things away in favor of being intentionally present with them and for them, knowing all the while that my presence was making a difference.
Knowing the impact my presence had upon my son & daughter, as well as making up for lost time, was all the motivation I needed to continue.
As this knowledge grew, I began taking intentional steps to ensure that my daughters knew what they should expect from a partner. I took my youngest out on what we called “Daddy-Bella Dates” to show her how she should be treated as a member of the female species…
May 30, 2013 at 7:13 pm
and hence smartphones = parenting purgatory! great post to read and remind myself of who and what i am to my children. thanks