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Josh Misner, PhD

Mindful Living in a Distracted World

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Josh "Dr. J" Misner

Mindfulness researcher, communication professor, Choctaw native, author of Put the F**king Phone Down

On Demonstrating Relationships

An Open Letter to all Fathers (and Mothers reading along who wish to share this with their children’s dads):

Dear Dads,

Your daughters are tomorrow’s women and your sons are tomorrow’s men.  This is a fact, not speculation, nor is it conjecture of any form.  Your daughters will grow up to be tomorrow’s women—sisters, aunts, wives, mothers, and grandmothers—and your sons will grow up to be tomorrow’s men—brothers, uncles, husbands, fathers, and grandfathers.

We don’t like to think about that, or at least, I don’t like to think about it much.  See, I have two daughters: one is 16 and the other is only 9 (and a half).  I also have two sons: one is 18 and about to enter Navy life, while the other is about to turn six.  When my first son was born, I was only 19.  When my first daughter was born, I was only 21.  Read this as me being young and dumb.  I knew absolutely NOTHING about raising children, and so I fell back on all that I knew from what society had taught me, in addition to what my parents had shown me.

That was one of the several mistakes I made as a young and clueless parent, which would later spawn the inspiration for much of my research.  I mindlessly tried to “train” my oldest daughter to be one of the many among society, rather than one of the few unique ones who would make a difference.  I unconsciously pushed princess culture on her, I pushed Barbies, and I pushed all that was bathed in a wash of pink hue, unwittingly thinking that was what she would have wanted.  I pushed my son to “be a man,” regardless of the consequences, and I mindlessly followed in lock-step with what was expected of me as a dad.

Little did I know, I was oh-so-wrong… Continue reading “On Demonstrating Relationships” →

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Being the mindful parents our children deserve

According to the Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics, the number of single-parent homes has tripled in the last three decades.  When people think of “single parents,” they automatically picture a single mother, but according to Single Parent Magazine, the number of single fathers has risen to over 2 million in the last decade alone, an increase of more than 60%.  Because of these increasing demographics, study after study has been done on the impact of the absent parent. 

Problem is, most of these focus on absent fathers.

What the research has shown is that children with absent fathers are:

  • 5 times more likely to be in poverty
  • At greater risk for drug abuse as teenagers
  • More likely to experience severe psychological distress

What the research does not show, however, is what happens when a parent is absent in the mental sense of the term… Continue reading “Being the mindful parents our children deserve” →

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Just for this morning


Sadly, I have not posted anything original here in a couple of weeks, and for that, I apologize.  Life has been crazy as I wrap up my doctoral dissertation.  The final sign-off date is two weeks from today, and from that point forward, I will have two things going for me: 1) I will have gobs more time to spend with my family, and 2) all that time will free me up to share with my readers that which I have gleaned through both research and experience.

To keep things moving, I thought I would share another poem, this time, by a lovely woman by the name of Sally Meyer:

To My Child
 Poem written by Sally Meyer, copyright 1995
 

Just for this morning, I am going to smile
when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose
what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step
over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the
dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the
telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and
blow bubbles..
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell
once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream
truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won’t worry about
what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I
have made where you are concerned. Just for this afternoon, I will let you
help me bake cookies, and I won’t stand over you trying to fix them. Just
for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald’s and buy us both a Happy
Meal so you can have both toys..
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my
arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you
splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay
up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside
you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger
through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given
me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers
who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who
are visiting their children’s graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers
and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer
senselessly, and screaming inside that they can’t handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold
you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God
for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day……
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Why Saturdays?

Setting & Keeping a Technology-Free Day

Every semester, at the beginning, as I am painfully explaining the details of my syllabus to classes filled with impatient students, I eventually get to talking about my contact information and office hours.  See, while I keep regular face-to-face office hours as all instructors are required to, I am also notoriously OCD about responding to emails.

When I first started teaching, I would check my computer multiple times each hour, seeing if there was a new message waiting for me.  Psychologists would likely suggest that I had been socialized to do this in a similar fashion to Skinner’s mouse, who was trained to push down on a lever with the same obsessive frequency because once, just once in a while, that lever push would reward the mouse with a yummy treat.  I don’t mean to suggest that I was receiving any tangible compensation for checking and responding to student emails so frequently, but what I was getting was the interaction I craved. Continue reading “Why Saturdays?” →

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Today


TODAY
Today, I saw a man infected with rage.
Shaking his fists with furrowed brow
Belying his cry of war.
Today, I taught my children peace.
In war, there are no victors.
Anger spreads only the disease of hatred.
Today, I heard a child curse.
Racial slurs and innuendo
Tarnishing a young mind.
Today, I taught my children respect.
There are so many ways to wrap a present,
But no matter what, they all are gifts.
Today, I saw faiths mock one another.
You’re wrong and we’re right,
Each said, one to the other.
Today, I taught my children to care.
No matter who is right, my darlings,
With love, you will never fail.
Today, I saw the depth of despair
Alone in the street, with nothing to eat,
While people passed, unaffected.
Today, I taught my children hope.
Hope for change, hope for the best,
Hope to be strong, and hope to rise.
Today, I heard touting in arrogance.
Bravado, braggadocio, and brass,
Superficial, scornful swagger.
Today, I taught my children humility.
Sometimes the strongest remain unknown.
While the greatest among us will serve.
Today, I saw a world in turmoil.
Every woman and man for themselves,
Stirring the chaotic downward spiral.
Today, I will ignore the world.
Today, I will make a difference.
Today, I will make a gift to the world.
Today will become tomorrow,
While tomorrow will become better,
For today, I have taught my children.

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