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Josh Misner, PhD

Mindful Living in a Distracted World

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Striking Realizations

Are We Oversimplifying the Problem?

An oft-cited statistic in today’s media is that, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are more than 24 million children in the United States without a father.
Children without fathers in their lives are four times more likely to grow up in poverty, more likely to engage in criminal behavior, less likely to succeed in school, and more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and other forms of mental illness.
The statistics are staggering. We are facing a father absence epidemic that inevitably will negatively impact our future generations, but are these statistics implying an oversimplified solution? Is the solution to society’s ills as easy as stating that fathers remain a part of their children’s lives, even when they cannot stay in the home, as in cases of divorce or separation? The numbers suggest the answer to this question is yes, but I argue that this only ignores the complexity of the problem.
Yes, 24 million children have no father physically present in their lives, which implies that the other 50 million children do, and when we combine those numbers with the ones that correlate to health, wealth, and wellbeing, it can mislead us into believing those 50 million children are safe.
But are they? Continue reading “Are We Oversimplifying the Problem?” →
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How I Reprogrammed my Clock

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I’m sure that anyone who has ever had a child can identify with this set of stories.  What I’m hoping is, that by the end, more of you will instead, identify with the transformation than the routine.

Huh?

Let me explain…

So, you’re a new parent.  You bring your bundle of joy home for the first time, nervously buckling the fragile, tiny, squirming ornament into the carseat for the first time.  When you get home, you introduce her to her new room, her bassinet or crib, and cuddle for hours on end, gazing into her eyes, seeing a reflection of yourself and your future in her eyes.

Everything is wonderful. 

Everything is beautiful.

Then, the floor drops out from under you, and the “new parent high” crashes.  It’s 3:00 a.m.  She’s crying.

Again.

You groggily make your way back to her for the umpteenth time.  What is it this time?  Diaper?  Hungry?  Lonely?  Just trying to irritate me and introduce me to the next 18 years of payback for what a horrible child I was? Continue reading “How I Reprogrammed my Clock” →

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Little, soon forgotten charities

 
“The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions – the little, soon forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, a kind look or heartfelt compliment.”
—Samuel Taylor Coleridge


I’ve caught myself on quite a few occasions overdoing my role as a parent.  I’ve often thought about the fact that I want to give my children the world, wrapped up in an Amazon.com box and tie it off with a pretty pink bow.  

Several years back, my youngest daughter fell in love with a gilded toy carousel she saw on the Christmas shelf at a local store, so what did I do?  I went back later and bought it for her, despite the $100 price tag, and later on, I surprised her with it, relishing in the shock on her face and the subsequent death-grip hug I soon found myself in.  I was on top of the world.  My wallet had brought my daughter boundless and unconditional happiness.

What I wasn’t prepared for was what happened next. Continue reading “Little, soon forgotten charities” →

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Opening our Children to the World

As I was digesting published literature by the pound in preparation for writing my dissertation, I ran across some pretty compelling information on parenting.  Some of it was shocking, like how father absence is on the rise or how negatively children are affected by the lack of a father figure’s presence in their lives.  Other information was fascinating because it went against everything I would have expected.

One of the most interesting concepts was from a study that observed the way fathers interact with their children nonverbally—specifically, how they physically position their bodies in relation to their children.  Now, bear with me here, because, as I observed this in my own life, I realized just how true it really is!

There is an intriguing concept called “interactional synchrony,” which is a fancy way of stating that, when a relationship is going well, we tend to mirror one another, but when it is not going well, we tend to avoid mirroring.  In other words, if that first date is going well, maybe when you put your hands on the table, she will do the same, but if it isn’t, then she’ll cross her arms instead.

Makes sense, right?  Salespeople are often trained to do this, because it can actually influence the way an interaction is going, regardless of what is being discussed. Continue reading “Opening our Children to the World” →

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Being the mindful parents our children deserve

According to the Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics, the number of single-parent homes has tripled in the last three decades.  When people think of “single parents,” they automatically picture a single mother, but according to Single Parent Magazine, the number of single fathers has risen to over 2 million in the last decade alone, an increase of more than 60%.  Because of these increasing demographics, study after study has been done on the impact of the absent parent. 

Problem is, most of these focus on absent fathers.

What the research has shown is that children with absent fathers are:

  • 5 times more likely to be in poverty
  • At greater risk for drug abuse as teenagers
  • More likely to experience severe psychological distress

What the research does not show, however, is what happens when a parent is absent in the mental sense of the term… Continue reading “Being the mindful parents our children deserve” →

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