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Josh Misner, PhD

Mindful Living in a Distracted World

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Josh "Dr. J" Misner

Mindfulness researcher, communication professor, Choctaw native, author of Put the F**king Phone Down

Day 4 – Family Dinner

In my original 12 Days of Fatherhood post, I mentioned that Day 4 should go as follows:

Have dinner together. Bring your children into the process of making the dinner, as much as safely possible, and then eat together at your table (or couch, if you don’t have a table). No TV, no phone, no tablets, no computers – just you, your family, and conversation.

In following my own plan, I asked the kids yesterday what they wanted for dinner.  As I mentioned in another post, the purpose of allowing children to have a stake in decisions is to foster a sense of initiative, which can later develop into a sense of purpose and a better understanding of their individual role in the family.  

So, what did they choose?  A family favorite, creamed eggs.  This recipe is a staple of every holiday breakfast, but also makes for one heck of a gut-warming (and filling) comfort dinner on a cold Northwest winter’s evening.

The recipe is surprisingly simple: Continue reading “Day 4 – Family Dinner” →

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Day 3: Sharing Our Gratitude

There will be no images today, no witty short-attention-span-videos from Vine to share, and no memes extolling the virtues of parenting.

Today’s task was in the heartfelt expression of appreciation for my children.

I’m a big believer and proponent of gratitude lists.  By starting each and every day with listing things that I am grateful for at that moment, it changes my perspective and forces me to think critically about what is right with my life, rather than what may be lacking.

Today, however, that was turned around.  I wasn’t just writing about what I am grateful for, but what I am grateful to experience as a result of being my children’s father.  It took me a whopping 10 minutes to hand write three different lists of 10 things I appreciate about each of my children who are still living at home.

10 minutes.  In that amount of time, I could have gotten a refill on my coffee.  In that amount of time, I could have popped a bag of popcorn for lunch.  In that amount of time, I could have done at least a hundred other menial tasks that have no bearing on the meaning I ascribe to my existence, but today, I chose to do otherwise.

Shortly after my kids came home from school, I pulled them aside individually and read them the lists, one-by-one.  For my youngest daughter, one item included her dimples, at which point, she smiled, letting them shine.  Another item included her hugs at the perfect moment, at which point, she proved me right, squeezing me tightly.  As I read my youngest son’s list to him, I started noticing a trend…

For each item I expressed gratitude, my children enacted that very item.  My son even asked if I would read his to him again, at which point, he re-enacted them all again.

The best part?  My youngest daughter, later this evening, created her own list of 10 things to share with her mother, who was having a particularly rough day and needed to hear just how much she is loved and appreciated.  Then, my wife turned and created her own lists in return for each of them.

Mother Teresa once said, “I have found the paradox; that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”  I think she was onto something with this.  As we express our appreciation, it invites others into relationship with us, encouraging further behavior for which the original gratitude was expressed.

The only drawback to this exercise?  It took 10 minutes away from my normal daily routine.  

Not much of a drawback, is it?

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Day 2 – Date with Dad


When I asked my children what they would want to do if given the choice of anything they could do today, their opinions differed, but only just.

The youngest originally wanted to go to his favorite park and see if the slide was made faster by our recent snowfall.  The next oldest wanted to play one of our favorite games, which I mentioned earlier, capture-the-flag.  The oldest one (left in the house, anyway, since the oldest is in boot camp), well, she would have rather done anything that got her out of dish duty today.

After getting ready for the day and heading out to caffeinate ourselves (not the kids; just my wife and I – I’m not that crazy), we decided to take a detour.  We drove down to the river beach after seeing how much of an ice shelf was down there, and there we were, my youngest in slippers and the rest of us not much better off, tossing rocks onto the shelf to see how far we could get them to slide. Continue reading “Day 2 – Date with Dad” →

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Day 1 – Movie Night


Full bed-fort, with a mattress base, stuffed animal moat, topped with six blankets?  Check.

Buttery popcorn? Check.

Gummy cola bottles, Dots, and Cookies-and-Cream Hershey bar?  Check.

Batman Snuggie?  Check.

A Christmas Story in the blu-ray player with the surround sound cranked up?  Check.

We had all the makings of the perfect family movie night.  We watched, or rather they watched the movie, while I watched them.  Wide-eyed with just-cracked smiles the whole time, we laughed aloud at all the very same parts of the movie that I laughed at when I was their ages.  They told me that the dad in the movie reminded them of me, when I was installing a dishwasher, a dryer, or yes, even working on the furnace that always seems to act up in the wintertime. Continue reading “Day 1 – Movie Night” →

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Let it be me

 A “post-poem” for my children…
 


Let it be me

 

When you find a roly-poly under a rock, whose feet tickle the palms of your hands and make you squeal with delight, and your excitement to show another living soul simply cannot be contained a second longer…

Let it be me.

Not a dad who is too busy.
Not a dad who has one more email to answer.
Not a dad with the uninterruptible daily routine.

When your math homework gives you a headache so bad that it makes you want to break your #2 pencil in two, wad up your homework sheet, and throw it across the room, and you need someone to talk you down…

Let it be me.

Not a man who doesn’t know the first thing about Euclidean proofs.
Not a man who lacks just enough compassion to realize that struggling only does so much good.
Not a man with the missing satellite remote and an insufferable commercial break.

When your boyfriend does something so unspeakable that it shatters your faith in love or your girlfriend rips out your soul, leaving you an empty shell, but in either case, all you need is a set of familiar arms to hold you, rock you back & forth, and remind you that life can & will go on…

Let it be me.

Not a father who has let life harden him to the core.
Not a father who has suffered and wants others to suffer, too.
Not a father harboring jealousy for your trusting nature.

When the world comes shouting, berating, minimizing, and scolding, beating back your will with subjugating castigation to the point where you no longer believe in the power of your dreams, and all you want is someone to make you feel meaningful again…

Let it be me.

Not someone who never recovered from burnout.
Not someone who was never told it couldn’t be done.
Not someone who couldn’t stare the world back when it did the same to him.

Whatever it is you need from life, my loves…

Please.

Let it be me.


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10 Lessons I Want to Leave My Children

Andy Smithson, at TRU Parenting, recently wrote an inspiring list, titled “10 Things I Need to Teach My Children Before They Leave Home,” and it got me thinking.

If I sat down to compile a list of the 10 most important things that I, as their father (not just their parent in general), would want to leave them, not just by the time they leave home, which would be ideal, of course, but as lifelong lessons that will stick with them and be passed on to the next generation as well.

So, I did.  I’m sitting here now, reflecting on those 10 most important lessons, and here they are: Continue reading “10 Lessons I Want to Leave My Children” →

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